Give Good Love

It just struck me that if we are all flawed, our love must also be flawed right? The love we give and the love we get are all imperfect. Thus we can never love well enough or be loved well enough. The examples of love we have seen as children growing up were also flawed. And as life has it, we grow up re-enacting what we have seen in our lives. It becomes natural to us, and so we don't see or realize any short-comings in them; for example if we have grown up with a family who talk loud and rough, we take that with us into our marriages and don't think that there must be a better way to speak to our spouses and children.If  we are used to not seeing and hearing our parents apologize, then we think it's ok to not apologize to our spouse or children and just assume that when you love someone it means never having to say you're sorry; and so on and so forth. So where does this leave us? it leaves us flawed, thinking that wrong is normal.That we should be taken seriously, but if we hurt or offend someone, that that someone should not take themselves so seriously. 

(Like, seriously, are you kidding me ??) 

Let's face it, the only example of perfect love that we will ever have in our entire lives is only found in the example of Jesus, the God of Love that came in the flesh. There is not a single human being alive, that can ever boast of loving his or her own well. But this does not mean that we are without hope of ever leaving a better example for our children. As adults who have hopefully realized that we are indeed flawed and wanting in knowing how to give good love, there is always the option to learn. To learn how to make those who matter to us, if indeed they actually do, know that they are loved. If we make the effort to learn how to love well, and our spouses and children see a consistent effort being made by us to do so, here we will see the impossible taking place. The impossible where indeed each marriage in each generation is better than the last. Not as good or as worse but better. Just imagine the transformation that this can make in our homes, neighborhoods and the world at large? Thinking big is necessary. That way we tend to see and realize that our own little lives that we tend to get so hung up on, is actually part of an intricate plan that reaches far beyond us. Our lives today are partly a result of the decisions that were made by our ancestors long ago whether we realize it or not. so what direction do we want to see the lives of our children and descendants take because of the decisions we made and the love we gave? after all that is what it all boils down to in the end anyway - The love we gave.   

I Need a Hero

"where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?..... where's the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?.... Late at night i toss and i turn and i think of what i need.... I need a hero" - Remember that song ? i used to love it as a kid, and i still love it.I used to love it for 3 reasons- Bonnie Tyler's husky voice, the groovy tune and the fact that for most of my life, this song was my anthem.It still is in someways. Although I don't have many male heroes in my life to choose from I do have many women heroes in my life. But it's obvious when i look at my life and the world around me at large, that a woman can never take a man's place. Do you know that there has always been a universal order set in place, and when that order breaks down, everything else crumbles. The order is that God placed Man in charge.In other words, man was to be the care taker of this world.The primary social unit of this world is a family. Every evil that we see in the world today can be traced back to a breakdown in this family unit. From a juvenile delinquent to a sociopath to a wife beater will all have this one thing in common - the initial breakdown within his or her family unit. So how does a man get the primary blame for this ? in the sole role of being placed as the Guardian of his family.When and if he chooses to abscond this role, then the entire unit breaks down and all suffer for it. We have wives that are unhappy and try to get their emotional needs met elsewhere, children that grow up scarred and broken ( i know because i was there once) and even the man, left with nothing but a nagging sense of being unfulfilled; and so he searches for this fulfillment in drugs, alcohol and sex only to find himself worse off than before.Yet his male pride will keep him from admitting it,and so the vicious cycle continues, leaving a trail of unrealized human potential.
Then i have also seen the rare side where Men have stepped up to the plate and been the Husband, the Father, the Protector, Provider, Friend and Support they were supposed to be.Men who diligently watched over their households emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.Real life heroes. These homes thrived and turned out wholesome, loving, confident and generous human beings into the world. But alas, these are few and far between.
Even the very concept of a Loving God is so hard to grasp because the initial example of that in "real life" is the man that we see in the natural.So who would then believe that a loving, caring, protecting, providing God exists, if our first encounters leave us desiring to have nothing to do with the men that are supposed to emulate Him?

Being a hero is not easy but neither is it impossible. It only requires a courageous heart.

"I need a hero...i'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.He's gotta be strong, He's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero! "  

The Weaker Sex ?

You might have heard the saying that “Man is the glory of God and Woman is the glory of Man”. Does that sound offensive to you? Well it shouldn’t! Hear me out and you will see why this saying actually glorifies both man and woman equally than it first appears to.

Okay, so does saying that man is the glory of God and woman is the glory of man , mean that man is more important than woman in God’s sight ? No! In God’s eyes men and women were created equal. It just means that we were also created with a specific role to play. In God’s system there is always an order to things and a place for everyone; So what this phrase is also saying is that men and women have a specific role, a specific order and a specific place in which we are to fulfill that role. Allow me to explain;

A man needs a woman to complete him, and I don’t mean this is a ‘Jerry Mcguire’ context! God said “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18) and “so the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh* .Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man” (Genesis 2: 21-22)

 God saw that in order for Man to be able to fulfill his God ordained role in this world, he needed help. And the only suitable help for a man is a woman! Now for you single ladies out there reading this, please don’t rush out with the door left swinging on its hinges thinking this is your cue to go get a man! This is so that you will know your role the day you become a wife. As for you married ladies out there, this is so that you can understand your God given value in your husband’s life and be for him all that God has created you to be.

So here’s how it all works: In order for Man to successfully fulfill his God ordained role in this world as the Provider, Protector, Priest and Head of the home and marriage God expects him to be, he needs the support of a partner in whom he can safely trust his heart, home, children and money; and for that he needs a Wife, Mother, Home maker, and Life partner. Woman, you are called to be all this and more in your husband’s life. In helping your man fulfill these roles you become his crowning glory, and thus he is able to fulfill his God ordained purpose in life and bring glory to God. Now if the woman chooses to forfeit her role and not become the glory of man, then the man in turn has a tough time fulfilling his role in being the glory of God. And when that happens, God’s glory is hindered from being seen, accomplished and released in the earth!

So that begs the question, is it then the woman who is more important than the man, and is man the actual weaker sex? No! It is just that men and women were made equally strong and equally important in bringing God the glory, just with different strengths and roles to play so that when a man and woman comes together as “one” in holy matrimony, and they start walking the path that God has laid down before them to walk, they are capable of becoming one unbeatable, rocking team!  

So who then ends up being the weaker sex? No one! But then who brings God the more glory? Both man and woman! How come? let me illustrate this in terms of a house. God is the foundation of that house, Man is the walls, the roof, the outer covering, and woman is the inside of the house; the beautiful interior both pleasing to the eyes and a comfort for the heart. All three together make up for one solid and complete unit. The solidity of the foundation is depicted in the establishment of the house, and the beauty of the house is made complete with the interior furnishings. If there was no house, there would just be a bare plot of concrete. If there was a house, the foundation would have been used, but the house would be bare, lonely. But a beautiful house, built on a strong foundation, beautifully furnished, creates a desire for one to posses that unit in its entirety. Now you might consider that just the house is good enough.But when you have slept on the hard floor for a while, and all you see when you come"home" are the bare floors and walls, you get to thinking that it's lacking some serious essentials.God needs both a man and a woman who knows their calling, are secure in their value and worth to God, to bring God the glory that He has equipped us to bring Him.

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labour: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up! Also if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be over powered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

So I guess being the glory of your man isn’t all that bad is it? :)

The Sum Total of My Worth

Since my last article-or should I say, moping session; i have since gained some sound counsel. It took another beautiful woman of God, who is also a mother, to help me realize that even though i might not seem to be making some hugely signification contribution to the world on a daily basis, that the time and energy i put into raising my son does have no less than eternal consequences! There is no other woman in the world that can raise my son up to be the kind of human being that will walk this earth with love, integrity, humility, kindness, generosity and good will toward his fellow man.And the way open for me to achieve this lies in the daily routines of washing him, dressing him, driving him to school, playing with him etc; that give me the opportunities to deposit into his heart and soul the kind of values and truths that will make him that human being who could touch the world and even, transform it with his love- the love that was poured into him. I realized that my mundane ordinary routines actually have a ripple effect into the future. It can even change the course of history. There have been many a story where great men have all started from the humble beginnings of their mother's knees.Where the out pouring of her love and sacrifice made an indelible mark in their lives, that carried them to greatness- greatness measured in many forms, shapes and sizes.

To realize one day that my son has grown up to be a man who walks in the ways of the Lord and is fulfilling His purpose in his life, would be my greatest achievement.This is where the ripple will have its effect. This is true of any human child into whom love has been poured into without reservation or hesitation.It is only in the eyes of a parent that the child first gets a glimpse of his or her potential.It is where he/she runs to for building up when the world has brutally torn them down. The only point of unshakable faith in them when they don't have any for themselves.This is true for me as a mother and this is true for you as a parent also. So as i have learnt and hopefully you too, let's never underestimate the potential of our daily, mundane,ordinary roles in the life of our precious charges!

Frustrated!

At the best of times, i know that my life has a definite purpose and that each day i am closer to achieving it.Then there are the worst of times where all of that seems like fancy day dreaming and that for the most part, my life is nothing short of mundane and ordinary.That for all my hopes, dreams and aspirations, my life wont amount to anything more than just mundane and ordinary in the end. Currently it seems like my purpose in life is to wake up in the morning, wash and dress myself, then my son, feed my son, entertain my son, clean the house, do the laundry, feed my son again, entertain my son again, clean the house again, sort out the meals, wilt in this heat, continue entertaining my son ( who as you might have guessed is on holiday) feed my son, wash my son, put my son to bed, engage in a light banter with my husband, then piddle away the couple of hours before bed, before i start this again the next day.Sigh! what an existence!I don't necessarily call this living, do you? I  mean don't get me wrong, my son is one of the greatest gifts in my life and i will never trade being a mum for anything in the world; but, there has to be more to my life and my days than this; don't you agree? There has to be more challenges to my intellect and my abilities than reading The Shark Encyclopedia and drawing Moray Eels! I know there is, but alas, it seems so far away that it's as if it doesn't even exist.

How do women, who are mothers and wives, end up still having there own sense of identity and purpose secured? How do these women not drown in the mundanity of daily chores and the demanding responsibilities of Everyday Life? Where do they escape to protect their sanity and keep a level head when it feels like ones very existence is being challenged?above all, how did they mange to get to the place where they are first and foremost their own person, before they are anybody else's wife, mother or home maker? I admire you, who ever you are and where ever you are. I know you're out there. I know you must think this isn't rocket science.That the only thing needed is some perseverance and self discipline.But for the likes of me, even that seems too much of an effort at this moment. Or maybe i'm just currently stuck in self pity and you are my venting board. :) Then again tomorrow is a new day, and the possibilities can be endless! here's to wishful thinking ! :)  

What of Marriage?

Sigh! I know, not much of an enthusiastic way to start is it ? but stay with me and i'll elaborate. Marriages are , in my belief indeed intended by God. I do believe that God has that one person that suits you best, and at the right time, it will all fall into place. That part is the easy part.Where it all becomes messy however is in the fact that, as much as marriages are part of God's plan for us, they are made on earth, not in heaven as we would like to believe. There is no perfect marriage that comes as a ready made package from God,delivered to your door step by Gabriel in a little delivery outfit.Marriages are very much made or broken right here on earth, and it is up to the two individuals in it that will decide its fate. Here is where all the problems begin, and equally end. you see, marriage although ordained and purposed by a perfect God, is made up of two very imperfect human beings. Two imperfect human beings equals an imperfect marriage.
Today the reason there is an epidemic of despair, hopelessness and pain is because marriages are in crisis.There is no greater torment, outside the death of a loved one, than that which is suffered when a marriage relationship ends. The failure, guilt,sadness and heartbreak over a divorce is unbearable. And staying in a miserable marriage is intolerable and equally damaging to all the lives that are linked to this primary unit. So where is our hope then? It lies in us inviting The Perfect God to come into this imperfect mix.Here is where the possibilities for growing closer to the perfection that God intended for our marriages becomes limitless. Whether this happens or not though is once again determined by how frequently and fervently God is invited to reign in the hearts of both the husband and the wife.you see, it takes three - You, Your Spouse and God.Having a wonderful marriage is possible because it is God's design for our lives, and thus He will help us accomplish it. The reason it is not easy however is because it is often related to the condition of our hearts being right, and changing that can often seem impossible. It's hard to take our blinders off when we have got so used to them that we don't even know they are there. Humility and Compromise are two vital keys that no marriage can do without. A sense of humor won't hurt either.
So the reason for my sigh was because i know i have my work cut out for me. But i'm certainly one who is very  optimistic in my belief that as long as I am willing to partner with God and pray daily for my marriage, that He will always lead me in triumph. And what is possible for me, is also possible for you my dear reader.So do join me and sigh if you must, but after that, let's get up and get on with it shall we?  :)

"Take Care of You"

OK! so i confess that i have never been a high maintenance chick; and quite frankly i don't have the time, nor the inclination, nor the finances to start being one at this point in my life either. I shamelessly walk around in shorts while my legs sprout unattractive firs, and my husband has had the misfortune of seeing my un waxed armpits and hairy upper lip to the extent of me baring an uncanny resemblance to Borat! Sigh! Now don't get me wrong, i don't intentionally want to be like this, or allow my self to slip to the very verge of needing waxing intervention; but life does get in the way, and practical issues like baby sitting, time and finances do make it harder these days to get to the salon than it did, say, 6 years ago. But this is no reason to allow myself to slip into looking like a raccoon, and it should not be one for you either.
As women, taking care of others before self comes naturally to us, sometimes to the detriment of our personal well-being. This, I'm sorry to say, should not be the case ever. Even with our busy schedules and countless to-do's per day, it is essential that we fit in a time for exercise, relaxation and personal grooming.I find this helps me feel better about my self and helps me keep a more positive attitude about everything else that seems to endlessly demand my time.
I have learnt some practical tips to help me with this and i would like to share them with you. Cleanliness is key. As women, nothing is more important than being clean and smelling pleasant.Nothing puts a man off (or any human being for that matter) more than a woman with bad BO! Admit it, you don't want to kiss grandma when she smells of Eau de Onions! Secondly, keep your hair combed and at a manageable length and style.You don't want a Shakira Long Locks if half of the time you keep looking like Lady Gaga Gone Wrong!Thirdly, Keep your nails clean. For stay at home mum's i find it best to keep them short as well.(Nasty odors don't get trapped and your kid doesn't get scarred) If you like a nail polish go for it, but try to keep the colours neutral as this doesn't look so bad when the colour chips and you're 2 weeks overdue for a fresh coat.Finally, tweezing your eyebrows in between salon dates, can help keep them looking better for longer. Don't forget that it is important that you take care of you because if you don't who will? Your family will be the happier for it ! : )